Creative Gubernatorial Politics

I suppose once your state has elected a professional wrestler as governor (not to mention a former defensive tackle as attorney general and supreme court justice), the oddities are bound to come out around election time. So it's appropriate that tomorrow, on Friday the 13th, Jonathon Sharkey will announce his intent to run for the governor's seat in Minnesota. Sharkey's nickname is "The Impaler," for he plans :

to execute -- by impalement in front of the State Capitol -- terrorists, rapists, drug dealers, child abusers, repeat drunken drivers and anybody who preys on the elderly.

And that's not the weird part, for Sharkey is a practicing vampire:

For starters, he describes himself as a 'sanguinary vampyre ... just like you see in the movies and TV, I sink my fangs into the neck of my donor (at this time in my life, it is my wife, Julie), and drink their blood,' he said in an e-mail.

My, what a lucky woman Julie is! But two things confuse me about this candidate. For one thing, wouldn't the arch enemy of a vampire be "The Imapler?" I know that was Vlad's (i.e., Dracula's) nickname, but it seems mismatched. For another, I've seen lots of TV vampires and I don't recall anyone on the receiving end of the fangs of the undead being accurately described as a "donor!"

Oh yeah, and he is a professional wrestler, to boot.