Free Advice - Don't Piss Off the Judge!

Let me provide a free bit of legal advice for those who might someday find themselves in court. It's pretty simple, really, and was not learned in the hallowed halls of the WVU College of Law. It's simply this: don't piss off the judge. Judges have enough discretion that they can make you're life really miserable if you make them mad. Consider these two cautionary tales.

First, over at Ayraud's Blog is the tale of a public defender and his client who had issues with vocal outbursts. While waiting for their case to be called for an arraignment, the PD and client were discussing his case, apparently too loudly. Thus:

the judge looks over at them and says, 'why don't you talk lower so I can keep going through these other cases while we wait to call your case back up.' The defendant turns around and looks at the judge and says, 'why don't you kiss my ass.'

The punch line? "He is now spending a month in jail."

On a larger scale, consider a decision handed down by the Ninth Circuit on Tuesday. A word of explanation first. At sentencing, defendants in the federal system have a right to "allocute" or, basically, talk directly to the court without going through counsel. Usually these allocutions consist of little more than "I'm sorry" or perhaps an explanation of why the defendant did what he did. Either way, it's usually fairly cut and dried.

Anyway, at sentencing in US v. Smith, the defendant took a different approach:

Smith made a lengthy speech, denying (1) the jurisdiction of the district court, (2) that he had any connection to any state or the United States, (3) the existence of the United States, California, Sacramento, the district court, the prosecutor, defense counsel, Judge England, a list of UBOs, and even himself, and (4) that he is a Fourteenth Amendment 'person.' Smith contested that the offenses he was charged with were committed by anyone, and argued that the prosecution had 'failed to show any actual or threatened injury as a result of the challenged conduct.' Smith demanded that the court 'reconsider and withdraw the proposed sentence, reverse the conviction, enter judgment of acquittal, vacate the charges against [him], quash the indictment, dismiss the complaintand otherwise . . . set [him] free.'

The judge was not amused:

The defendant’s statements to the Court that were just read have made it abundantly clear to this Court that Mr. Smith has absolutely no remorse for his actions. And further, he has directly challenged this Court and its ultimate authority. Accordingly, I find that this defendant is appropriate to be sentenced not at the lower end of the guideline range but at the upper end.

Smith's little outburst earned him 30 extra months in prison. The Ninth Circuit, that bastion of loony liberal left wingers, affirmed.

So, to repeat - DON'T PISS OFF THE JUDGE!