The Real Threat

Since 9/11, we've been led to believe that the greatest threat to our national well being is Islamic terrorism. While we've been off bombing Iraq and other places back to the stone age a more pressing menace has gone untracked within our own borders: lacrosse players. At least that's the impression you get from this piece over at Slate. The author was apparently the target of some verbal abuse from the lacrosse team at his high school (he was a lowly baseball player). From that he extrapolates, in the context of the Duke lacrosse team scandal, that all lacrosse players are degenerate yuppie spawn who are bent on world domination, like some sort of 21st century Illuminati (with sticks):

A brief sociological account is in order. Lacrosse players hail from the privileged, largely white pockets of the Northeast and Mid-Atlantic. They unite and form tribes in Eastern prep schools, where they can be spotted driving SUVs with "LAX" stickers affixed to the rear windows. Many grow addicted to dipping Skoal and wearing soiled white caps with college logos on them. They gain entry into top colleges by virtue of their skills with the stick. They graduate, start careers in New York, marry trophy wives, and put lacrosse sticks in their kids' cribs.

Sounds like a cult! I'll admit that I know next to nothing about lacrosse - it's profile in this country is so low that it makes soccer look like the NFL - but I'm fairly sure there are at least a few decent lacrosse guys on the planet. I used to work with one, but now I have my doubts. He was trying to start up a youth lacrosse organization in the area before he moved. Hmm, I wonder if I should alert the authorities in Vermont of the new evil presence in their midst?