Cop Speak

Ever noticed how cops talk funny? "Suspects" get "subdued" by being "escorted to the ground," which really means the crook got beat down and handcuffed. I had a great example of that today for an initial appearance I did. Garden variety drug possession case, nothing at all exceptional about it. Even where the guy tried to hide his stash:

Defendant advised officers he had secreted additional cocaine base in his rectum.

C'mon, do you really think this guy who'd just had the cops search his house said, "excuse, me officer, but I've some cocaine base that I've secreted in my rectum"? Methinks it was a bit more colorful than that. But it all comes out cop speak in the end - sort of the linguistic equivalent of confinement loaf.