Monday, March 31, 2008

Not Exactly Muskrat Love

You just don't get crimes like this in the Southern District of West Virginia:

A New Zealand man who claimed he was raped by a wombat and that the experience left him speaking with an Australian accent has been found guilty of wasting police time.

Arthur Cradock, 48, from the South Island town of Motueka, called police last month to tell them he was being raped by the marsupial at his home and needed urgent assistance.

Cradock, an orchard worker, later called back to reassure the police operator that he was all right.

'I’ll retract the rape complaint from the wombat, because he’s pulled out. Apart from speaking Australian now, I’m pretty all right you know. I didn’t hurt my bum at all.'

He pleaded guilty in Nelson District Court to using a phone for a fictitious purpose and was sentenced to 75 hours’ community work.
If I ever get to write a brief that involves sexual assault by marsupial and a funny accent as a side effect, I'll retire from the practice of law and find something a little more sane to occupy my time.

3 comments:

MountainLaurel said...

Of course you won't get cases like that around here. We have no wombats.

JDB said...

Well, yeah, but can you imagine someone calling 911 to report being violated by a possum and then calling back later to say everything's OK, except they've picked up a Brooklyn accent? Not likely! :-P

MountainLaurel said...

Not hardly. How would a possum deliver a Brooklyn accent? If it were a southern accent, might be more believeable. ;-)

(Yes, I could probably go on all night with the bad jokes about this one.)